2013 first posting

o mine, i'm such a slacker, suddenly we are in the middle of 2013 already!

many things happened this year.. where do i begin?

* Jan-Feb 2013: We sorted buying a property in suburb Jakarta, aka Jakarta Coret, aka Serpong. which means I had to go back and forth KL-Jak to search, do and finalize the deal. Property price has soared much in the past 2-3 years, we should have bought earlier, but then again always easier to say things in retrospect, than in prospect. Plus anyway, it is still the right thing to do. Luckily, i was able to sort things out in just 2 trips. Very efficient! ** I clap for myself  :D **

* I actually tested positive.. sometime in Jan.. but 2.5 weeks later.. things didnt turn out well and we've lost the sac thru natural bleeding. Since this is the 2nd time already it happened, I cant help to be very conservative the next positive time (and I hope I'm still given the chance to) happens, I will stop all physical activies, including long distance travelling.

* I've completely weaned Adam by Jan 13. I first started reducing the frequency of breastfeeding when he was 13 months (Sep last year) down to just 1 or twice a day (before sleeping or in the morning). I did it because I havent gotten my period back yet, and both of me n hubby thought we shouldnt wait too long before trying for a 2nd baby. So at least, i needed to get my monthly cycle back. Sure enough after 1 month, the cycle started back again. And in Jan, when diagnosed pregnant, I could also feel my supply was getting much lesser, my obgyn also advised me to stop breastfeeding since i was pregnant, though i read in many online articles that it can be ok to still continue b/f (noted that it is mostly not advisable esp for peeps who have had miscarriage history before, such as me). And anyway due to my supply was very low, Adam even refused to drink from me sometimes. So just like that, he stopped on breastfeeding, with not much drama. My 1 week trip to Jakarta in Jan, away from him, also helped to make him not look for me in the middle of night for breastmilk. Just stuck with his dad and grandma, he learnt to sleep thru the night without waking up. Though for the first few nights, grandma just automatically shoved him with milk at 11pm so to make sure he has a sound sleep for the rest of the night. Anyway, i'm so glad i dont have to go thru the weaning process with putting something bitter/spicy so he refused to b/f. Actually, i think i miss the b/f process more than him.

* In March, i was bombed with work. *ha, that's how i remembered it* By the 3rd week, time came too fast, it's time for my 8 days trip to Japan with some girlfriends. As usual, the last week before any long holiday is swamped with work, had no time to do my own reseach for the trip. But I know I can depend on C, one of the gals, to come up with a detailed personalized itinerary. We did Osaka, Kyoto, Tokyo. Lovely! I thought I loved Tokyo the most, what can I say I'm a city girl. Grandma from Batam took care of my kid once again, while I'm out of town..

* Back from my Jpn trip, i paid a visit to a near-by daycare (not so nearby, it's a 10mins drive if road is empty) which after researching in Nov, i have decided is the best place for Adam to start spending more structured time in a daycare. just halfday every day. So registered him and he will officially start in April 2013. My main reason to put him in the daycare, is so that he can have more structured activities during the day, learning words, having people talk to him, play n doing arts, rather than just spending time at home alone with our maid while me n hubby are at work. While hubby thinks it's a good time for Adam to start socializing...
Though I had my doubts. I was kind of worried whether we were doing the right thing. I was worried about the language, since we've only purposely stuck with Indonesian at home, and i was hoping that by the time he started daycare he would have spoken much indonesian already, but in reality he hasnt yet. so I was worried whether putting him in an english daycare this early would have a negative effect to both language. But now after 1 month, he is definitely getting bublier and his vocab growing at exponential rate, so i hope i was wrong. Then, my heart breaks every morning when i drop him in the daycare as he would cry very loudly when i left him with the teachers. The worst was the first full day, i was with him in the class the whole time, and when the director tried to call me out of the room, he cried so violently that i couldnt help to cry as well. O gosh, it was nightmare for both Adam n me :( It just caught me off guard that i would be the sad one too. I should have mentally prepared myself better. So next few days i just changed cold cut style and still left the place eventhough i can still hear him cry. After 2 weeks, hubby is back in town and he is the one dropping A to school... It is now 1 month that Adam has started the daycare, and since last week he has stopped crying when being dropped there, that's my good boy :D He also didnt cry when leaving me at home since 2-3 days ago, he clearly understands when his dad says 'Ayo Adam sekolah' and the fact that he's not crying i guess means he's enjoying it :D i'm so happy that he's happy :). Also, my paeditrician didnt really recommend putting Adam to a daycare before 2 years old, he did say his opinion is only from a medical perspective and i respect him for saying that. I guess I had to weight in all the pros and cons, and at the end of the day i thought the pros still outweighted the cons. And Adam had his longest cough n flu for 3 weeks in his first weeks of daycare (he was already sick before that). But after that he's ok. so i hope he is one of those kids who get stronger antibody once they are exposed to it.

*May 2013, 5th may was the 13th General Election in Malaysia. It was quite interesting to follow the election process. Noted that the opposition is gaining stronger foothold. What is interesting here is that it is very obvious that the country here is run /segregated by race. Even the PM can make such a ra*ist comment, I cannot comprehend how the no.1 person in the country can make such a quick statement which obviously will hurt a lot of people. And to start with his own alliance party also has its own 'party-by-race' structure. It is not a wonder that a lot are getting not satisfied with the govt. Although I must say, infrastructurally, this country is very well managed, with all the nice roads all across the country, and comfortable mrt in KL.

Ok, that's all from now. will post some pics once i have bits of more time :)

It's another Sunday wrap

So it's another sunday, and one very enjoyable one today. So much bonding with my kid and I still have this happy smile on my face, few hours since he began his night sleep, remembering all the fun we had today. Never had I thought that I could find the most wonderful companion in the heart of a one year old kid.

I can just stop this blog post here, for the risk of getting a bit more sentimental.
But heck, this is my blog right :) so i go on :D

So i looked into his eyes today and you know I wish what thoughts were rummaging in my mind could transcend to his eyes and into his mind, but I guess he knows it already. That I do love this little man of the purest heart! And I am just so thankful that this boy was the winner of a long-long race when he was still in mili-micro-metre size and emerged victorious, to come out into this world and finally born to us.

It's amazing to experience a developing interaction with your little kid and how fast the improvement of communication is. Like yesterday, i was looking for his water tumbler in the living room. And I was saying 'minum-minum' while my hands were pretending to hold a bottle and my lips doing 'sipping' motion, while i walked around the house to look for it. He looked at me and i just thought he is  trying so hard to understand what i was trying to do, and the next thing I knew, he looked around and found the bottle for me. Wow!
And how can I not mention all the silly dances (rather, moves) I do to make him smile, that not only draws his grin, but his loud laughter at times. And the hi-5 that we do. And the mini-tent games we play under the blanket :D
I love the way we are. So you know, this day I do feel very thankful, for the home that i am provided, for the luxury of time i have, for the good health that accompany me, for the work that doesn't stress me too much, all these co-exist together so well so I am able to spend precious time with my little child. What more can I ask.

running...

Gak nyangka juga, akhirnya gw mulai berlari... setelah sekian lama gak lari...
Awalnya liat beberapa temen di social media yang consistenly berlari, terus liat2 kok semakin mewabah. Selama beberapa bulan, gw cuma silent watcher aja sih... gw pikir, gw lebih pilih berada di rumah, ngabisin wkt ama anak gw, kangen klo udah seharian di kantor n rasanya anak gw butuh deh interaksi ama gw buat pertumbuhan dia (**sok bijak nih, padahal anaknya jg gak apa-apa** ya maklum jg maklum ibu dengan anak pertama mgkn rata2 memang instict melindungi anak seperti ini?). Udah gitu, dengan jadwal dia secara rata2 selalu kebangun 2-3 kali tiap malam buat nyusu smp dia umur setaon-an bikin body gw cukup tepar deh (**Loh, sekarang malah nyalahin anak hahaha**). Plus, klo soal lari, sebenarnya yg kebayang-bayang di gw itu cape2nya gw dulu pas rutin lari waktu SMA, inget di tengah2 lari mikir kok gak nyampe2 or cape ngedorong diri sendiri buat pace yg cukup okeh (yang bagian feel glorynya abis nyelesain lari udah lupa).

Tapi akhirnya mindset gw mulai berubah, n didukung jg oleh body gw yg semakin ready jg. At least, gw dah gak berasa gempor lagi pagi2 abis tidur dengan interrupted sleep. Anak gw udah gak sesering dulu bangun (ya masih aja sih bangun tengah malam, n kadang2 balik lagi kaya dulu klo lagi teething). Terus gw pagi2 jg udah gak seribet dulu pas masa 6-14 bulan musti nyiapain makan anak buat hari itu (dah lebih percaya ke si Mbak sekarang n jg anak gw dah bisa makan lbh banyak jenis makanan kan). Itu secara kesiapan fisik yah.
Secara mindset, mungkin ini yg lebih penting or at least a-must-nya yah (klo body siap, tp mental gak beranjak, emm... kayanya gw jg gak akan mulai2), keinginan utk mulai n mewujudkannya ini nih katalisatornya. So thanks terutama utk teman2 n even org2 yg gak gw kenal yg kelintas di TL twitter gw or baca2 di blog, yg consistenly berlari, makin improve pace n distance mereka n share ke public. Wow, positive influencer banget deh, efeknya kayanya kaya ombak bergulung2 yg semakin gede, krn kayanya sebelum gw udah banyak banget org2 lain yg keinfluence duluan ama lari oleh wanita2 hebat ini.

Lari pertama sekitar 4 minggu yg lalu. So far, gw baru lari di area dlm condo gw sih, enak deket, suasana nyaman n gak perlu parno ama safety. Dan lari pertama gw, jarak 2.4km. Wow, surprise jg bisa sampe jarak segitu gak pake berenti/jalan, hihihi. Mengingat terakhir gw lari, adalah waktu gw hamil 7 or 8 bulan, itupun mgkn pacenya udah mirip jalan cepat dan kayanya gak pernah deh lewat dari 2km. Enaknya lagi, sekarang bulan November gini, udah masuk musim ujan... **November Rain.. Kriuk..** jadi lari pagi temenan ama udara adem, enak deh. So lari dengan pace sendiri yg enak, gak kelewat cepet, tapi yg penting nafas lancar gak ngos2an, biar bisa aga long distance (eh buat gw 2.4km udah jauh hihihi). Lagian gw pikir,  dah gak Abg lagi nih, gak usah mikirin speed, yg penting latihan utk bisa cover more distance ajah. Kaya lari2 maraton gitu banyak org2 dewasa 40th-an yg bisa ikut bukan? N ternyata gw lupa klo running outdoor gini, jauh lebih enak ya daripada lari di threadmill. Ada pemandangan, ada angin2 sepoi natural. Jadi inget dulu wkt di Jakarta, kayanya taon2 terakhir gw coba lari lagi itu selalu di Gym dan gak pernah berhasil pick-up. Kayanya gw bosen-an yah lari di threadmill, kaya gak nyampe2 selalu di tempat yg sama. ya iya lah, org lari di ban berjalan.

So ok, by now Nike+ (sumpah, aplikasi kaya gini keren banget deh) gw udah record ampir 20km, dengan 7x lari. berarti rata2 2.4-3km gitu sekali gw lari. So far, gw lari 2x seminggu ajah. Pengennya 3x seminggu, tp dengan kondisi single mum on the weekend, susah nih buat nambahin 1x jadwal. Oh ya, di lain hal, karena gw punya sejarah ankle kiri terkilir (padahl udah lama wkt SMA) n sampe bertaon2 gw lari setelah itu, even wkt hamil kemarin, gw selalu bisa ngerasain balik mata kaki gw ini gak bener2 pulih. Jadi gw rada2 parno jg wkt mulai lari kemarin2. Stretching gw bisa lebih lama dari masa lari. Pemanasan 20 menit, lari 15 menit, pendinginan 15 menit hihihi. Tapi ga papa, ternyata magically ankle gw sampe hari ini gak berasa ada yg sakit/sensitif atau apa loh. Sempet ada pegel2 di tungkai kiri (parno kalo shin splint), terus abis lari ke-2/3, sensitifnya pindah ke lutut kanan.. tapi masing2 ini setelah istirahat total 3 hari gak balik lagi sih. Jadi satu lagi mental note buat gw, gw selalu mastiin gw rest total dulu sampe pegel/sensitifnya di kaki gw ilang, baru lari lagi. takut boo cedera..

So happy that i can conquer my own skepticism on picking up running. Mudah2an gw bisa konsisten lebih lama dalam berlari :) .

Oyah, gw juga register utk Brooks Half-Marathon di bulan Maret depan... tapi... bukan yg 21km Nek... hihhi.. cuma yg 5km ajah. sebenarnya kategorinya namanya kategori 'Schoolgirl'.. tp gw liat gak ada batasan maximum age. ya wes lah, antem aja online registration. **kan tampang gw masih layak utk anak sekolahan** hihhi**dilempar sepatu ama yg baca**. Oyah satu lagi sebenarnya event ini cuma utk Malaysian n Singaporean (kenapa Singaporean boleh, tp Indonesian gak boleh? heran deh). Gak tau ya, mungkin nanti pas ngambil RacePack gw bakal ditendang keluar, tp ya let's try lah. It's not like i'm going to win a prize anyway. But just trying to run happy n thought it will be fun to do it by joining an event :) Plus ini jadi semacam fixed target buat latihan lari gw.
Mudah2an by then, gw udah bisa ngecover 5km run beberapa kali :) Wish me luck.

10-11-12

Boleh dong ikutan ngeramein tanggal cantik 10-11-12. Tak dirasa, tanggal ini merayakan 5 tahun pernikahan me & hubby. This day this year gak ada special rose or anniversary cake, just a few phonecalls from the other side of the globe where he currently is to mark the moment (well, the first few calls were a few hours too early from the day :) ).

And i didnt even think to blog it till i heard on the radio this marriage joke:
Q: Marriage involves 3 rings, what are they?
A: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and.... Suffer-ring... *LOL*
well actually the 3rd one should be replaced by "Endu-ring"

so, clink-clink.., here is for our endurance. Just like a race, hope we run and stick together till the finish line, and finish strong!

2 weeks annual vacation 2012

As per every year, working in the same bank i've been, entitles me, or rather, mandates me to take 2 consecutive weeks of absence. The main purpose is to ensure if we ever do something fishy in the bank which requires some form of cover up done on daily basis, this kind of activity would be discovered when we are away for 2 weeks. Anyway, what i wanted to write in this post is how my this year's mandate leave, as we call it, is different in terms of planning, destination, and purpose, as compared to other leaves taken in previous years.

First of all, my 2 weeks vacation is usually spent to wander some unknown destination, or even if it is known/been-there-before, it will be places i've carefully chosen with main purpose to unwind, relax and just experience something different from being at home and explore new things. Secondly, it is usually carefully planned. And third, i go with some loved ones, ie. family circle1. the only exception is last year when i combined my mandate leave together with my 3 months maternity leave, that was heaven at home!

Way from the beginning of the year, i knew the holiday wasnt going to be easy to plan. Husband was free-er in terms of work at the first half of the year, so it was possible for him to actually go for a 2wks break (though timing wise, would still be hard to predict when to exactly go) in the first semester. One of our options and a long-time dream was & (still is) to go Europe together. However, as I was still breastfeeding Adam... I realized there would be some issues by leaving him alone in Malaysia (no way we are bringing him for a romantic 2 wks holiday far away ;p ), how much of breastmilk stock will he need, need to pump extra in order for him to be fully b/m via bottle while i'm away and not sure i could make the stock quota (at that time i was already waking up on avg twice a night to cater for the kiddo's b/f & it was already very tiring and i cannot imagine waking up once more to stock up, as during the day in the office i was already pumping 2-3 times), then will have to resort to to formula milk to top it up.. the last option was actually something i could accept... but the other thing that i couldnt  handle is to pump every 3-4 hours while we were doing our hopping holiday wandering (i had too, otherwise it gives me pain, and also i needed to maintain my production so that when i'm back i can still continue b/f kiddo, and the way to do that is to keep the pumping freq high), and that i will have to throw away the pumped milk as no way i will be travelling from places to places transporting frozen milk (believe me, breastfeeding mums see own b/m like irreplaceable gold bars, as they are so irreplaceable, so no way i'm watching my own b/m go down the drain :) ). I'm sure it would slightly melt before it gets frozen again and the cycle continues, which will make its quality poor, and not to mention the hassle of transporting it. So, i had a clear want and need: only go for long vacay after Adam has reached 1 year old, as his b/m need would have reduced considerably and so will my pumping frequency. The only catch was that hubby dont know if he could take long leave in 2nd half of the year.

So come  june, july, august... work schedule for my husband showed no sign of slacking. In the meantime, my boss is pressing me to clear my leave as soon as possible (my request to defer till december got denied). So here i am, taking my 2 weeks leave in Oct, while hubby till last minute was still on standby for offshore work (he finally left few days after me & kiddo flew off town for our break).

As for where to go, I dont have much choice, either i stay put here in KL or go back 'kampong style' to my parents home. Of course i took the 2nd choice, it's valuable time to spend with my parents. which later proves to be even more beneficial for Adam. In the beginning, I had my doubts whether I could really put myself into 'vacation' mode, since being nanny-less and hubby-less mean that i dont have an equal partner (at least in terms of agility) to take care of the kiddo. it also means that it will be energy-draining days and i wouldnt be able to wander around easily. So ya, it gave me the jigs.

But hey, after spending 2 weeks & back now in KL, all i can say is that for sure i am recharged. especially that i had 3 days of 'recuperatory leave' in KL & i made sure nanny is around even it was the weekend. Adam learnt so many new things with the help of his grandparents, and had so much fun with his grandpa who amazingly interacted very well with Adam. Mum helped prepare his solid food, and he got introduced to variety of food, now he can comfortably munch rice, crackers, pasta n all. So i have stopped cooking porridge altogether! Adam played so much with water (pressurised water from hose, splashing water from pail, flowing water from tap etc), leaves n flower from the garden, chicken and cats, visit to the zoo and beach. What more stuff can he be introduced? Yes, i didnt get to go around to too many places, as much as i would have wanted. But i guess not all holidays need to be spent 'fully charged'. This break was a 'slow-down' mode of vacation. Although not easy at the beginning (being fully charged with rapid pace at work) to move to lower gear, just when i thought i am getting used to it, the vacay ends, but at least i reaped benefit of it, and now, i hope i can pick up the city rhytm back well.

And to my boy, i hope he continues to grow and learn so many things, even in KL and under the well-care of the nanny (esp. when i'm away at work :( )

Right now i am just looking fwd for hubby to be back, to bring more 'life' back into our house. Till then!

ps: pic taken in Kuta Bali. Yes we went to Bali for 4 days and spent the other 7 days in Jogja.

Weekends with my boy

It's been at least 5 weeks hubby has not been around as he's away for work. With the home assistant off in the weekends, it's just me and my son in the house. Though it is very tiring to spend time with one busy active little kiddo, I actually look forward for this just-u-and-me time at every end of week :) ... well ok, actually by the end of saturday, i am also soooo... looking forward for my maid to come back the next day afternoon, at least to clean up the house and give me that 'me' moment break ;p

So, here's how we've spent our 2-back-to-back days together:
Waking up: he wakes up first (obviously) and mama always tries to steal more sleeping time, but usually fails miserably as the kid starts playing & tries to catch attention of the mum :)
If I'm still so sleepy, I'll just breastfeed him first, so I can buy more time before i fill myself up with enough energy to make him his breakfast :)

After shower and play, if he's sleepy, he will sleep. Otherwise, I will pick him up and off we go to do the weekly groceries. But usually he does need his morning nap, so I will wait for him to have proper nap (& then followed by lunch), before I take him to the super/hypermarket.

Supermarket shopping with him, means him on the stroller, big shopping bag hung on the stroller, and the heavier shopped stuff put in the stroller basket underneat the seat. It's all about balancing & gravity. I had to remind myself to be careful and not to spontaneously just pick up my kid out of the stroller when he cries, as the stroller may just topple down once he's taken out, as it did happen for the first 2-3 times I picked him up :) He doesnt really last being in the stroller for more than 45 mins.. unless he managed to fall asleep, which is quite rare. So usually i will have to pick him up (boy he's getting heavy) and after 10mins carrying him, I try to put him back cause otherwise my back will break! :P.

In the first few weekends, undaunted, I brought him to malls further away from home, as mama not only wanted to do groceries, but also some real shopping ;p But since he always cries on the back and forth trip in the car seat, I decided I dont want to really go thru it anymore (listening to his cries while i have to drive and focus on the road doesnt go well with my nerves). So after a while, I opted to only go to nearby supermarket/malls, obviously with more limited shopping choice (in terms of non-groceries).
Something 'clicked' in him though 2 weekends ago, it was by accident. Usually the carseat is left in the car and i will only strap him there in the car. But this time, the car seat was at home, and so i attach him to the seat and then I put him & carseat on the stroller (this travel system works, yeay!). He had this puzzled look when he was on a car seat but on a stroller, but i knew he enjoyed it, since he enjoys being put in the stroller (at least for not too long), it tells him he's off for an adventure :) ! And so, once we reached the car, i just had to move the carseat along with him inside to the car, so he didnt experience that 'strapped' feeling all over again. Then he started enjoying the car ride, like he's been enjoying his stroller rides... So from that moment on, he figured it's not such a bad thing to be put in the car seat (if i may read his mind)... he still cries on the trip back though, but it's really due to he's sleepy and want to catch another nap. Usually by the time we get home, he will already fall asleep which always happen only after the car reach our carpark! yeah, i still have to endure for his cries during the drive home, but it's not as bad as before.

In the afternoon, I will bring him out of the house for either some free-gym in the apartment's playground (he loves climbing up the slides & by now he has figured it's fun to go down on it too) or (if there is enough sun and i'm fit enough) i will bring him for a swim (which he looovvvess even more). Swimming is actually also my trick to get him sleep quite fast at night, so i can do other stuff while he's asleep, but it always ends up that i also get tired from swimming, hence means quick dozing off for me too.

Then dinner is around 6-7, bathe (or 3rd bath if he already took a 2nd bath after swim) before some play time, book reading (more of me reading, and him rummaging thru the pages), crawling around (and this includes me crawling too to chase him hehehe), listening to him babble and try to respond accordingly (with real words that try to rhyme his), nursing... then he goes to lullaland. Phew... that's done for the day! I will either doze off with him or spend some time browsing the internet. When the weekend is about to start and while I hurrily pack home from office, I actually always vow to do some office work in the weekend when he's asleep, but most of the time this fails miserably.

Sundays, by this time either i have no more pre-cooked food for lunch or too lazy/tired to cook, i will bring my son out to accompany me eating out. He enjoys sitting in a cafe/resto where there are other people he can observe. So usually i will bring him out after i'm done feeding him, so i can have my peace filling up my own tummy, while his is already filled :)

Feeding him is tantamount to a mess party in the house! I do let him touch the spoon (I have 3 spoons ready everytime i feed him), sometimes he dips his fingers into the bowl tryting to touch the food, then he will spurt out his food, throw the spoons repeatedly to the floor just to watch me picking them up and he will do the same thing all over again etc... but hey as long as he's willing to open his mouth, i'm game for it! afterall, we just want our babies to be well fed right. So the downside is... I will have a sticky supermessy floor and table by the end of it. so sticky that even wiping it with a wet floor doesnt do justice, that is why i say i am so looking forward for my maid to be back by this time :)

So afternoons, will be spent game-ing with him again, while i wait for my maid to be back. I have to say that handling him at this point of time is less tiring then a few months ago, as now he is more playful and easier to entertain :). Then before I know it the weekend is already over, and I do feel a bit sad that it's already over and that I have to be away from him the next day. But I know I will be him fully again in 5 days time :).

ps: I realized I mentioned a few times on the presence of my nanny/house assistant. I am surely thankful we can have such arrangement. And it surely made me realize motherhood and attending the house at the same time is not an easy job, so I salute all mums out there who can do it all by themselves, really hats off!

Motherhood, gender equality, multi-tasking etc

Are these topics myths, something achievable, or utopic state?

Every a few other days, I am bound to bump into this topic, be it by (accidentally) eavedropping some conversations of strangers around me, conversating it myself with friends, reading articles from the internet, youtube clips, friends thought & opinion, and so on.

I must admit that there are a lot of good thoughts, carefully articulated opinions, and well-founded arguments on this topic out there. Certainly there are no myths for the everyday's dillemma that a lot of mothers go thru, and if not everyday, at least some points of their lives. ie. domestic world vs working world, taking care of our children personally or taking care of ourselves first (which sometimes means taking care of our career first), and working-mum or SAHM (stay-at-home) mum, though i dont really like the last 2 terms, after all a mum who is full time at home is also a fully-working mum!

Following are some excerpts:

- Anne-Marie Slaugher, a successful woman in Obama's administration, wrote a long article on why she finally quit her dream job to be with her family instead. http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/. Excerpt:

EIGHTEEN MONTHS INTO my job as the first woman director of policy planning at the State Department, a foreign-policy dream job that traces its origins back to George Kennan, I found myself in New York, at the United Nations’ annual assemblage of every foreign minister and head of state in the world. On a Wednesday evening, President and Mrs. Obama hosted a glamorous reception at the American Museum of Natural History. I sipped champagne, greeted foreign dignitaries, and mingled. But I could not stop thinking about my 14-year-old son, who had started eighth grade three weeks earlier and was already resuming what had become his pattern of skipping homework, disrupting classes, failing math, and tuning out any adult who tried to reach him.

- A very inspiring and honest speech by ravishing Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg at HBS 2012 graduating class. She touches on gender equality towards the end of her speech.

However, for me, it all boils down to a personal choice. I dont believe we can have it all. For every preference we choose, surely we are letting go of something else. I also am not a multi-tasker. Though there is the adage that women are great in multitasking, I never believe I am one of them. I tend to overspecialize on something (and I tend to be choosy on this, choosing on one that I enjoy doing best and live the rest almost to oblivion) rather than on many things simultaneously. So for me, the topic of gender equality, the need to nurture and mentor more women so that more of us can be at the top of the business ladder, because we are a different sex than men and therefore have a different need, I still cannot fully comprehend the need of this.

Yes, I do see the benefit of mentoring for aspiring women in the professional world, but also equally in men. But I also believe this will come naturally for everyone, whoever performs the best will be rewarded and career advanced. Maybe I am too naive, or I am too fortunate to work in a pretty fair -working environment, hence I have not seen mal-practice on this? 

As I walk on this path of motherhood, I cant help to observe how my peers are threading their own paths. I am quite surprised that not only one or two of the brightest people I know have decided to quit their job to shift their focus to their growing child instead. Let me count.. there are at least 5 of them already.

So on one end of the spectrum, I see this fight that many women leaders are championing in the business world, that is, to give more way to women to excel at work. But on the other end, I also see many are happy to let go of their (professional) title and be rightfully at the heart of their home and happy about it! So, I do not think that satisfaction or excellence in one's life, especially in the scope of motherhood, can only be achieved in one way. I think every woman has their own different situation and what is the best arrangement/solution for one cannot necessarily be the same for another mum.

Let's not even talk about others for the moment, but consider myself. Until today I still choose to work, because of these reasons: a) I want to be independent and have a stable source of income and build a solid work resume, because the 'road' is still a long way to go. If there is anything that may go wrong in the future or that i do not surely expect to happen, I will still be able to support myself (and my small family) financially. b) Despite my numerous rants about problems at work, at the end of the day, it still gives me more satisfaction than dissatisfaction. It gives me reasonable challenge, reasonable tasks (so far) and exercise my mind. c) I am lucky my work is very flexible in terms of time. Today I came to the office at 11am. Most of the times I can come around 10-10.30 am and I find work is still manageable and my boss does not complain (though of course some nights I work my ass out from home). I can also bring back unfinished work to home, so I can have an early dinner/be home before the baby sleeps. d) Until today, I am lucky to have a home assistant. The baby is well taken care of (and well loved) in a one-to-one relationship. In some countries, this will probably be way too expensive to maintain.

Ya, so this arrangement still works for me. I do not know if it will still work down the road in a few years. There are some questions that still linger in my mind. Like will my assistant be able to teach my kids the things that I would like my kids to learn at his young age: words and reading, good manner, good habits, good discipline, good heart. will my assistant quality match with my (high) standard? I do have big question marks on this. Even by asking myself these questions, I can sense why some of my friends had quit their jobs, willingly. I think it also has got to do with perfectionism i must say.

But I have also seen very sucessful mums at work with very successful (very well behaved, smart, and kind) children. Unfortunately, there are not  many. In fact, I find there are more sucessful single women at the top of my work orgchart who are single than those who have family and children, let alone "successful children". For the sucessful ones, they are my role model. I try to find hard what is the secret for this. So far, I think it is the high involvement of the parents as much as they can still do when they are finally at home, the 'seeds' in the kids themselves (ie. they were already born with this trait, lol), and a strong support net for the working parents, be it from the 'MbakSquad' as @mrshananto call it or from the bigger family group (which unfortunately I cannot rely on, being away from our home country).

so may God help me, help my husband to be the best parents we can be. I do not really care about the debate out there on women-men gender equality; multitasking mums or not. I just need to find my family to be in sync, balanced and growing the right way. Every woman has their best different way, every family has their own situation. God be with us all.

A personal update

CK has sailed away for work and will be in the sea for 2 months or so (I hope it's faster than that).
So here I am, all by myself again, zoomed into an apartment somewhere down in a city. This situation feels like a deja-vu of where I was 1 year ago :), only now, somehow I feel a little bit 'more-secure', I guess knowing the trip is just for a shorter period (by our standard) & we will be soon reunited again to normality, really help.  When I was still in Jkt & he was somewhere out there, we did not know until when it would be like that. Thankfully it only lasted for 1.5 years.

Well, our past arrangement in Jkt had made me think of new activities to occupy my time, and that's how I ended up taking SLR lessons :).
Now, I am thinking to take one the asian language courses... have not decided yet, would it be chinese, or japanese? But then again, I'm not sure I can force myself for classes, as I've been feeling my energy has just been drained too much for work. Anyway, none of the classes in YMCA that I'm eyeing have an opening this or last week.

So here I am, on a Sunday, bumming around . Thankfully yesterday was a fun-filled day with a friend, shopping and exchangies stories over brunch & late lunch. But I do hope next weekends, I will have more fruitful days.

ps: Image taken by me on a memorable trip to Ujung Genteng 2008 September.

The evolution of Books (Another musing on reading)

Shortly after Amazon came up with their portable eBook reader "Kindle" in Nov 2007, Steve Jobs was quoted saying:
"It doesn't matter how good or bad the product is, the fact is that people don't read anymore... The whole conception is flawed at the top because people don't read anymore.". He also stated that in the previous year, 40% of americans read books only once or less a year.

In a recent interview with Malaysia OUM (Open University), Mahathir, an ever-interesting Asian leader of these decades, was asked about his opinon on reading:
"Reading also improves your perception of things and trains you to analyse and understand complex matters. The more you read, the more you acquire the experience of others albeit through the eyes of a skillful observer. Even if you are reading a story book, your ability to solve problems increases because you have, at least read about it."
"To encourage lifelong learning, you must instil a reading culture. Lifelong learning starts with reading, and can become a habit, just like reading."
I'm a firm believer in life learning experiences thru reading, whether it's a simple book, comedy, drama, novel, travelogue, history, even comics! Reading opens windows to different mindsets, different cultures, different journeys, and all that can be simply 'operated' from a lazy sofa in your own home, on a sunbed besides a cosy swimming pool, or while waiting for your name to be called at the doctor's.
I surely hope this wonderful learning experience will continue to be passed on, no matter how the media will evolve (from manuscript, to paperback, to Kindler & then to iPad :) ).

ps: Gizmodo was right, Jobs, shaker of the Pop Culture evolution, was indeed cooking something better than Kindle at that time :). Hail to the new iPad :) - just announced 3 days ago - 27 Jan 2009.

10 Random Things on KL

Inspired by this posting, a faithful indonesian blogger who constantly blogs on things related to Japan only, here are 10 random things about KL:

1. KL's air is pretty unpolluted (esp. compared to Jkt). It is easy to get the light blue clear color of the sky here, except during the dry season when forest fire smokes fly from Sumatra. Around the vicinity of the city, it is easy to see greens & forests. In fact, from Carrefour shopping center, which is just 5 mins drive from my place, the view from the gate is limestone hills covered by dense tropical forest.

2. KL itself is actually a small area. The hustle bustle happens much in its surrounding area, more popularly called the Klang Valley, consisting of districts like PJ (Petaling Jaya); Subang; Shah Alam... This would be something like Bekasi or Cikarang or BSD, but much more integrated to the city center & same level of infrastructure. Malaysia's manufacturing industries, residential areas of people who work in KL, hyper-sized malls are spread out in this area.

3. KL & the country has an excellent road infrastructure standard. Highways are all of the same quality in all parts of Malaysia, with well manicured trees along the road & lightings are excellent.

4. I do still get confused of some Malay words, which sometimes just make me smile. eg: Toko Hiasan Dalam: I've thought this is a lingerie shop, but actually means interior design office. A building with signboard on its roof writeen "Ibu Pejabat Kepolisian": thought this was a building where all the wifes of the policemen gather for meeting (macam Dharma Wanita). Actually Ibu means "Main", pejabat means "office". ie. Main Headquarter of the Police.

5. I am very pleased with the existence of the LRT (mrt-like) network, which i can take btw office & home, rather than going thru the packed roads by car (+nightmare in finding carpark space). It's clean, cold, and they are expanding the wagons from 2 to 4, yippee! Plus, they stop right in front of my condo & in front of my office, so it's very very convenient for me :).

6. Malaysia has received about 25millions of visitors last year, whereas Indo has made it to barely 6 millions. I can name you so many wonderful places in Indonesia & so much more beautiful & captivating (and i do mean this objectively)..., lots of them still untouched by international mass-tourism, especially the beaches that I so love.... from Pulau Weh, Belitung, Ujung Genteng, beaches past Wonosari, Amed in Bali, Gili Islands, Raja Ampat, Derawan, Wakatobi.... In brief, they are countless. But what a contrast, in terms of numbers of visitors, isnt'it? Even if let's say i cut the number of visitors by 1/2 because 50% of them are Singaporeans, which I presume most of them go to Malaysia to see their relatives or just short educational school trips, it still leaves the number at 12 mio, 2x than my country's visitors :(. It does show something though, that Malaysia tourism campaign & tourism management has been successful. Also, the feeling of personal security and ease in finding places is also an important factor for a tourist when visiting a country i guess.

7. The other thing about Malaysia that makes it a favourite place for tourists to hop to, is it is the homebase of AirAsia air carriers. Its location is perfect for connecting flights to other gems of South East Asia: Thailand; Cambodia; Burma; Vietnam; even Aceh/Sabang is nearer from here than from Jkt

8. While KL is located west of Jkt, it is geographically-illogically following a later time zone than Jakarta!. It follows the timing zone of Sabah/Sarawak, which is GMT+8. As a result, i feel hours in KL are a bit out of sync with the sun's position. Eg. When it's 6.00 pm it is still pitch dark like 5.00 am. Only at 7.10 the sun rises. 7pm is the time when the sun is just about to start... so the night gets dark pretty late, and before u know it, it's already time to sleep :)

9. People dress more casually & practical here in malls, compared to Jakarta. Most women/girls wear flat shoes & casual clothes, even in upmarket malls. while in jkt, going to the malls make u feel glamorous, just by looking at the nicely dressed girls with their high heels & made-up hair. Ooo, I do actually miss those nice sights :) (not that i am one of them, but i got to say that nicely dressed ladies are pretty sights to your eyes & do inspire me to try to dress more tidy :) ).

10. I have found some good local foods here, but sadly they are not very healthy & most of them lack the vegetable ingredient: Bak Kut Teh (braised pork in soya sauce soup); Crab in butter sauce; Prawn in salted egg; asam laksa; fried kwey tiau, oyster omellete; nasi lemak (even the name is sinful already); roti prata with mutton curry.... they are yummy, but no wonder my cholesterol level has gone up this year!

Uyah Amed

One the places we went in Bali last month, was Pantai Amed. This is located on the north-east shore of Bali.
The sand is volcanic black & the land view is the majestic mount Agung & its two sisters mountain.
It is much much quieter than Ubud or Kuta. Yet, there were many cottages & simple hotels all along the shore. Most of those who gather here are those looking for serenity or, like us, seek for the beauty of under-water. We stayed in the first hotel along the shore, called Uyah Amed. Uyah, in balinese, means salt.
The location had a great view of the triplet mountains of Mount Agung & its 2 smaller sisters. However, what was more interesting & eye-opening to me was the life of the traditional salt farmers all around the beach. I had awaken at 5.45am to hunt for the sunrise, and took a stroll along the beach... what was different of this place compared to any other balinese beaches (or any other in Indonesia) I've stepped on, was these salt farmers walking up and down the slopy shore, scooping fresh water with tin fan-shaped buckets from the sea, carrying them over on their shoulders for about 50m up to the land & before throwing them on the soil-bed and raking them to sun-dry thru-out the next few days. The bucket loads weight easily at least 50kgs... and I think they did at least 50 trips in & out of the water. . Their foot trail were embedded deep into the rocky black sand. Many of them were women (I know the men are not sleeping.. I saw them the night before, sailing to the sea, to hunt for fish). As you and I know, salt is not expensive, but yet their efforts are so abundant. I will leave the pictures to speak for itself...

words in the Advent Calendar

Quoted from the sermon today "Some people make a preparation 2 weeks beforehand for a holiday... How about preparation for life after eternity? How much does it take?"

wise words

In my most recent holiday (that just ended today), I came across a small wooden signboard while driving along the Bali north coast road. Its carved words glued on my mind:
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

Some googling done & it turns up this is a famous phrase originated from the late Abe Lincoln. I love this quote. It reminds us to make use of our precious time wisely and beautifully, to live each day meaningfully and to be always thankful for the guiding force from above that blesses our everydays :)

PS: Picture taken is the "Bunga Desember" or flower that only blooms once a year in Dec ("Blood Lily"). My mum grows some in her few precious pots & this morning they bloomed a bit faster (being November) but just in time when I was visiting. If a flower that cannot talk nor walk knows when to bloom & follow the annual cycle (almost) truthfully, how a human's life should even bloom more beautifully...

Have a good day everyone!

Tomaeto or Tomaa-to please?

Not sure what's going on in this town. I've gone to 3 major hypermarkets here & 1 expat supermarket, and cannot find a single tomato juice in store!
Not sure whether it is banned here or they actually put this drink in some other section of the shops, like in the 'ketchups' section? But i had checked there as well to no avail.

There's only one more place to check, those japanese supermarkets, like Isetan.

I close my eyes.
I feel the soft wind breathing over my face.
I hear the waves breaking on the fine sands.
I hear the palm leaves battering against one another
I hear children playing over the pool,
and still with eyes closed under the cooling shades,
All I see is green of the grass, blue sky, and clear water.
My heart beats slower, my limbs feel relaxed. Just my idea of a perfect day.

Penang 30th August 2009, Afternoon at Batu Feringgi Beach, Holiday Inn Cafe.

ps: Who needs to go away a thousand miles for the most perfect place on earth, when perfect comfort is just nearby. I believe there's something beautiful everywhere you go & I'm glad I found my moment in Penang.

food galore

Last night, after a surprisingly good day at my office - finally managed to complete my last report for the month without having to stay back late! - we went out for a late dinner (me & hubby).
We went to Changkat Bukit Bintang, and ate in The Social :)
A small eatery place, with a pool table upstairs, alongside other similar food&watering holes on the popular alley, esp among foreigners. I got to say this was the best food i ever tasted so far in KL. It's got a 'mat saleh' price, but they do ensure the taste levels up to the expected standard. Service was also great & we ate al fresco just on the side of the street, with the cool night breeze of KL. Hopefully will be back again!

There are other food spots I want to try...:
- Yong Tau Foo - Ampang Area. apparently it's the best in town.
- Pan Mee - Jln Burung Babarau , Taman Bukit Maluri, Kepong. My colleagues introduced me to various pan mee around office, and now i cant get enough of it :)
- Ma Maison - apparently serves good french resto (with free flow salad bar) + excellent service.
- GrooveJunction Sri Hartamas - for a jazzy ambience :)

Oh no wonder i've been growing to the sides :)

getting updated

Kompas ePaper.com http://epaper.kompas.com/ had just a facelift! Actually, more of a skeleton lift. It's faster & easier to browse and read.
I still do browse this beloved indonesian paper once in a while, though I wish I had more regular time to do it. I love the various news coming from hometown, critics, economy, social life... It's more spicy & variant, compared to the news put up in the local newspaper here... sigh...

My Little Happy Perks Lately

* Just came back from a SG Weekend Trip. It caused quite a major shopping spree & overhaul to my working clothes closet :)
* Meeting my brother in Bangkok 2 weekends ago & tasting the delicious fragrant pad thai and tom yum soup :)
* Sleeping over in an almost closing down hostel, old but clean and cosy :) I loved the backpacker's atmosphere esp during breakfast. It's just so laid back & really felt like a holiday.
* Went to Penang 3 weekends ago, and had asam laksa :) very nice! and walked around the old town & had a nice long swim in Batu Feringgi Beach (in a pool!) with a dear friend.
* Switching my foundation to MAC. It is Quality!
* Finally bought my Narcisso Rodriguez (for her), I think I also like his latest fragrance which came in a cold metal bottle, just like a whisky bottle.
* Having a nice meal in BlueJazz Cafe in Bali Lane SG, with Margarita to close the night :)
* My husband who is forever patient with me & does not sweat over little things.

Moving On

On my last few days before I moved from Jkt to KL in May... I've thought hard on what things I would miss out of this city. On top of my list was:
- the easiness of getting pampered in comfortable & clean salons or massage parlours... I've had a couple of favourite places already, and not to mention the affordability.
- modern batik shirts and dresses. I loved window-shopping for this, esp in the last 1-2 years, the creativity has evolved so much & I love the rich motive & print put onto a youthful cut.
- all the various delicious food spots I've discovered in Jkt.
Only after a few weeks in KL, I discovered a weird feeling that caught me off-guard. I was missing Jkt in an unexpected way. At first, I didnt really know what, & in my mind I was browsing for all the possible things, but still... this feeling is not somehow related to a particular activity or matter... Only then, it dawned on me.. that I've actually missed the 'sense of belongining', the feeling of actually belonging to a City.
Yes, the fact that I've stayed in dear Jakarta for over 7 years & having the city as the witness of all the things I have gone thru in that timeframe, has probably made me somehow 'rooted' to this city. A feeling which I've never felt before in the various cities I've lived in prior to this.

Oh well, now that I know exactly what I missed, it's time for me to put the 'dot' and move on to another chapter. Life goes on.

Choices and Direction

At the end of the day, it's what matters most to you that gives you direction.
Life is about choices, and i believe that will guide me.

I don't know yet what lies ahead, but I know this is one of the best decisions I've ever taken.

May His presence be with us...